R34: Try trading all the wasted times for something real in this crazy life

[with_my_teacup]

I should not have to say this. But I will. Just. In. Case.

Do not bring me any dead bodies. We have plenty of food.

What we're short on is cooks, because Ben's tolling and that leaves us down a warden and a worker. It's not like there were a lot of us to begin with. If you're an inmate, your ass is cordially invited to work in the kitchen.



On a completely unrelated note, anyone seen Megamind? Short guy, big head, invents shit?

[Private to Ellie]
So, kid, you know your way around a kitchen when you ain't blowing one up?

[Private to Chris, Nygma]
...seriously, either of you seen him?

Comments

[private]

[inhell]

[ Well. This all turned out in ways that weren't what she expected. It's a while before she answers, and when she does: ]

This isn't a clever way to make me your dishwasher, is it? Won't be any "maybe you can blow up bridges, but never heat up water, you might burn yourself"?

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

[A snort.]

We all wash dishes. This is a clever 'come here we're so low on staff it's hilarious and sad.'

[private]

[inhell]

And it's not because I'm a girl.

[ Listen she's just making sure, she's had some bad experiences.

Besides, talking about this is a lot easier than saying she's sorry. Or anything like that. Because she's not. (She is a little.) ]

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

Sure, it's that. Me and Cain have this extra princess costume that's too small for us.

[Seriously kid have you seen the kitchen staff around here.]

[private]

[inhell]

I was just asking!

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

It ain't that.

I'ma put you on breakfast shift if that's okay.

[private]

[inhell]

[ Okay. She can do this. She just has to ignore what it was she did the last time she was in there. ]

All right, but can you get good bacon? You know, the kind that's not just thin little sticks. And you don't have any Vegemite.

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

Usually we find pretty quality ingredients. They just kinda show up, tho, like most things around here, so luck of the Admiral.

I don't think we have any vegemite. You can request it.

[private]

[inhell]

And the Admiral likes awful American bacon?

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

I wouldn't know the difference.

[private]

[inhell]

You'd know if you had anything that wasn't bad.

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

...kid, I've eaten a lot in my day and I've only been to Earth a couple times for ports and breaches and shit.

[private]

[inhell]

The stuff that's here isn't good. I promise. We farmed pigs and cows and sheep around Wirrawee - I know better.

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

Better than protein waffles-- you'll learn to work with what shows up.

We used to do hunting trips in the CES for fresh meat, but it started rotting faster than it should and I don't trust it anymore.

[private]

[inhell]

There are dogs around here. Why not a few cows and sheep too?

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

Not the worst plan, if you could get enough hands to do it.

Speaking of dogs, mine'll be in the kitchen some mornings. He's slightly undead but he's made real progress with his manners.

[private]

[inhell]

That's fine.

Re: [private]

[with_my_teacup]

I'll see you tomorrow morning?

[private]

[inhell]

You're really just letting me in there.

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

Floods ain't indicators of actual performance.

Also if you can pull shit while me and David Cain are watching I'll give you a medal.

[private]

[inhell]

I wasn't really any different.

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

I am.

[private]

[inhell]

So you wouldn't rescue me this time, is that what you're saying?

[private]

[with_my_teacup]

I wouldn't have been a warden in the first place over there.

And here, you'd'a had a lot more trouble finding a time there wasn't someone in the kitchen. That asshole was lazy, clocked out after eight hours.

[private]

[inhell]

I know. I kept track.

So you're saying you would have rescued me.